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Strong EnoughSome days I feel like I will shatter into a million pieces. As if I will break the moment someone looks at me or lays a single breath on me. I feel like glass; fragile and dangerous. I feel as if I am lying here, trapped. Waiting until something breaks the lock down, opens the door and sets me loose from this cage. But, the cage is everywhere. My heart, my mind, my body. It's a darkness that no one can see, it creeps in over my flesh and steals up through my spine, into my lungs and poisons my entire blood supply.
Some days, I feel as if Master's arms are not enough. I feel cold and shake from head to toe. I feel as if my tongue is in a vice; locked in my mouth, sand filling the empty space so I will not be able to say a single word or utter a single sound.
I reach out and for a moment, I clutch nothing but darkness. Engulfing me, swallowing me whole and pulling me under the currents. I thrash and flail and I think I hear myself cry out. I feel no warmth, I don't hear Master's sweet vo
all of mei left you a gift, Master
it's right below your chin
nestled right there in that perfect spot
bright red, slightly bruised around the edges
it thrills me watching you wear them proud
as a sign you are mine
and i wear yours proudly
to show the world i am yours
i feel complete next to you
strong and i can breathe
your arms shield me from the world
no, i know i am not fragile but
you and i have seen how ugly the rest of the world can be
so you protect my innocence and devotion
you protect my love and my humanity
and i'll shield you in my arms too
amoreI pepper your spine with butterfly kisses
there's something beautiful
staring at the way your spine slightly curves
bowing ever so little bit
you are exposed
vulnerable to me
I know your secrets
and your deepest desires and dreams
the things you refuse to tell others
I know the harsh truths you utter
and understand more than any other
you hide yourself away except
I grip your body between my fingers
my pale flesh meets your darkened skin
I'll leave marks down your ribcage
over your scars and every tiny inch of your body
I'll take the pain you hold beneath your bones
crush it between my palms
I'll take the burdens you carry home every night
and I'll conquer any fears that rest in the shadows
lurking just for a moment to steal you away.
I leave butterfly kisses in my wake
marking you until the next sunset
you'll be mine and I'll be yours,
Slave'we're all slaves to what we love'
he whispers as his hand closes around my throat
lips trail down my neck
i want passion and love
between my hands
i want to hold you there until
you whisper you want more
i want to move the earth and skies
make you scream and make you bleed
push you past your limits
until you beg for me to let you go
come back to the safety of my arms
let you soar
let you go
i want to rip you wide open
stitch you up
hope is youhope is
the jar placed on the top shelf
"in case of emergency,
i never open even on rainy days
instead i drop loose change inside
listening to the clink clink clink
as they drop through the tiny hole
i'll save them away
to go to the wishing well one day
the sound of your laughter
running through my brain
snagging on the rusty cogs and
making them work again
Saying Goodbyesi already miss you
even though you're still here next to me
i know you're lost to the winds
seven miles down the road you shout
and my heart it goes out
tonight the stars dance over my head
but i don't see them
clouded and blinded for a time
let the dawn come
maybe i'll breathe then
touch my skin in my memories
i repeat every single memory
i want to break apart all these wars
i want to destroy all those happy times
i want to break f
the truth about growing up
1. It's easier when you don't think.
1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt,
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.
5. There's nothing like your own bed.
6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.
7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.
8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips
Stranger's funeralUnder the clouds
Under the rain
Staring at the coffin
At a stranger's funeral
We're all alone
Feeling the storm
But not the pain
For he's but a stranger
And the graves around us
Are just there
Keeping us company
During this empty moment
LullabyHush, my baby,
Be still, don't cry.
Lay with me
A little while.
Close your eyes,
Slow your breath.
Hear your heart
Inside your chest?
Your heart is strong,
It guides you well.
Be sure to listen
To what it tells.
I hear him now,
Outside the room.
It won't be long,
He'll find us soon.
Now close your eyes,
Slow your breath,
And rest your head
Upon my chest.
CarolineYou loved the fire
of rogues -
imperfect men who shot up
the endings of the day
and drank down
too much beauty.
And like one of them,
you bellied with rebellion,
felt his tense seed
toil where women
and craved his notoriety.
Poor girl -
his verses won the day
and the call of words
was too fickle a lover
for any constant star.
Don't blame yourself -
are more attractive
and all poets are
things to tell you before i leave for collegeto mrs hatcher:
i promise that one day i will write that poem you asked me for
(the only thing you ever asked me for)
and i will finally tell you that you deserve
so much more.
to mr. walker:
i promise that i will not pity you.
i promise that i will not envy you.
i promise that you will always be part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.
i promise to always be grateful.
i promise to be careful.
i promise to be crazy.
i promise that i will remember what it feels like to be needed
and what it feels like to let someone who needs you down.
i promise that i will never resent you for asking for help
and that i will always be there when you do.
i promise that even sixty years from now,
i will not be surprised to find a letter from you in my mailbox.
i promise to always remember what it felt like to be young and crazy with you,
how scared and lonely we were.
i will remember that we both survived it,
and that we'll survive this, too.
To the Boy Who Likes PoetryHe was a maze of metaphors
but she didn't mind
getting lost in him
raising a warrior never was an easy jobi.
when i was a child i would
sit on the porch in the rocking chair and watch
the sky fall and the ground flood -
safe on my wooden throne, i'd call out
amid the thunder that
it would never pull me to the sky, away from
the home i'd always known; when the storm
would cease i'd stand triumphant
over fallen soldiers, lying
like stained glass and shimmering, rippling --
when i was older
i stood in kitchen and watched you
bake, fingers drumming to the beat of a
war-drum you never could hear -
and you'd tell me stories of sleeping beauties
while i read about the knights
who risked their lives, got angry at the girl --
you taught me how to be
a lioness when you realized this girl would
never be a queen. i was made to rule, but not in
robes, made to claw my way
out instead of sit and watch the fight -
my throat ached to sing
a shout of victory, my skin itched to dance
in a triumphant haze as charcoal painted
the night alive --
and now when thunder shakes
the ground i count its be
i made the universe in a teapoti made the universe in a teapot.
galaxies frothed into the mug,
stars bubbling up through the sepia beauty.
nothing was left outside, everything at the bronze brim,
the sun's edge in ceramics.
i drank the quickcopper gracefully.
my mind was a biscuit,
the milk as time,
lacing throughout the boiling hot space in that second
of pouring creation.
(alpha and omega at once as steam.)
Letters to the UnbornMy letters will never be received by you;
you will never be able to hold my hand within yours
nor feel the wind upon your cheeks
touch the reddest roses or
lie snuggled in my arms
you will never know my kisses-
placed upon chubby cheeks
I lost those moments when I let
someone tell me what to do with my body
whisper lies into my weakened ears
in the dead of night I swear that
I'll love him like I would have loved you
[I know he will never replace you]
because in my soul I feel it screaming
as if I have the blood of you on my hands
[but honestly, I do]
you are my darling angel
sent to heaven too early
for my mistake.
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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